Gratitude List

I made my annual list of things I'm thankful for:

1. eggs

2. The eventual invention of plants that don't need to be watered.

3. My talking cat that doesn't live with me. She calls me from a pay phone every few weeks. I'm thankful because I'm allergic to cats.

4. The G.I. Joes I've owned since I was five. They now have gray hair, their plastic has cracked in places, and they don't feel much like any kind of adventure. They are my Dorian Gray surrogates.

5. I'm not in any kind of math class.

6. My sofa that was once owned by Chairman Mao. He only bought quality things and took care of them.