The Paddle Boat Ride

I went for a paddle boat ride with Buddha.

Buddha said, "What questions do you have for me today?"

I said that I had none. I was just looking to get on with my life.

Buddha laughed and said, "Life gets on with you."

I stopped paddling.

Buddha said, "Why have you stopped?"

I said, "Let life paddle the boat."

Buddha didn't say anything. We sat there for about a half hour.

Buddha got restless and began frantically paddling the boat.

Hitchhiker

I saw God hitchhiking on the side of the freeway. I pulled over and picked God up.

I said, "Since I picked you up, I would like you to do some things for me."

God said, "You are under the mistaken impression that I don't like you exactly as you are."

The Solution

I couldn't sleep last night. I was feeling lonely.

So I got out of bed, got down on the floor, and squeezed myself through the mouse hole in the wall.

The mouse couple was startled.

But then I made a derogatory joke about the cat and we became fast friends.

Join Together

I drew this a few nights ago. It's called Join Together. It's a painting for the bedroom.

The Discussion

I was sitting out on my porch when a squirrel came up to me.

The squirrel said, "Can I borrow a pen?"

I asked for what.

The squirrel said, "I'm writing a book about my life."

I joked that it would be called The Ceaseless Hunt for Nuts.

The squirrel said, "No, that's the book about your life."

WWJD?

I had it with my character defects and did a complete moral u-turn by starting to ask myself, "What would Jesus do?" before any activity.

I was on a great three-day wave of good behavior when Jesus suddenly appeared in my car while I was driving.

Jesus said, "Why are you driving so slow?"

I said that the speed limit was 25 mph.

Jesus said, "I wanna go faster!"

So I sped up to 30 mph.

Jesus said, "Are you kidding me?!"

I punched the gas. Jesus yelped in joy. The car was so going so fast that it began to vibrate out of control, and I drove off the road into an abandoned barn.

I was shaken up, and the car was totaled.

Jesus said, "Thanks, that was fun" and disappeared.

A Friend Stops By

A friend came over for a pose.

My friend is interesting in appearance.

I tried to capture my friend precisely.

My friend saw the result and said, "Tomato."

On the Lake

I sat out with God on a boat on the lake.

The sun was shining. The sky was blue. There was a still cool breeze creating small ripples on the water.

I said to God that I finally felt peaceful and worry free.

God said, "I give it about two minutes."

The Results

I think it's important to have goals in your life. That's how positive change can happen.

That's why I'm proud to announce that this year, so far, my total of doing "dumb, what was I thinking, not again" moments are down to 1,489, compared to the total of 1,493 such moments at this time last year.

Something I Drew

I wondered why things happen the way they do.

The day said, "It's none of your business."

I said, "Okay."

I bought a used clown car. It's small but it fits a lot.

Honey

I sometimes coat my naked body in honey and roll around in a pile of money.

It keeps me from going out and buying something I don't need.