Attempts at Solace

I needed to get away so I caught a flight to Nigeria, Africa. When I arrived I took a cab out to the open plains. There was no one but me and my suitcase. I sat on my suitcase and took it all in. It felt good to have the sunlight bake my head and face. I got drowsy and laid down and took a nap.

When I woke, it was night. I couldn't see anything. I tried to move, but I felt constricted. It turns out I'd been eaten by a lion. I was so angry because I'm come to Nigeria to get away from my problems. In my frustration I punched the side of the lion's stomach.

The lion said, "Hey, cut that out!"

I didn't say anything at first because I was intimidated. But then I said, "This is bullshit!" I started punching the lion's stomach like crazy.

The lion started rolling on the ground. This made me dizzy and I stopped punching.

Then I heard a voice in the lion's stomach say, "Your punches are futile." I lit a match and saw a Boll Weevil. I said, "What do you recommend?"

The Boll Weevil said, "My pinchers don't allow me to tickle the stomach walls, but your fingers can."

I tickled the lion's stomach. The linings of the stomach wall contracted. The contractions squeezed us upward and we popped out of the lion's mouth.

The lion didn't want to have to go through that again and took off.

I thanked the Boll Weevil. In further gratitude, I gave it one of my cotton t-shirts for dinner.