What We Set Out to Do

My dog Rexy and I announced that we were going to walk around the world.

We set out with great expectations, but after about ten miles we got tired and took a cab home.

On the way back, the cabbie looked back and said, "Hey, aren't you the two who were going to walk around the globe?"

We said yes and that we changed our minds.

The cabbie said, "My wife said she'd leave me if I didn't start taking better care of myself. So I said that I would. That lasted about a day."

Brooks Serenades You from the Bathroom

Sailing!

I went sailing with Jesus. Jesus kept complaining about the wind, and how cold he was, and that he was nauseous.

I said to Jesus that he should be more positive and hopeful.

Jesus pushed me off the boat and then tossed me a life preserver.

Late Night Call

I called up God late last night. God said, "What is it, Brooks?"

I said, "I'm sorry to call so late."

God said, "Then why call?"

I said, "Um, you don't sleep, do you?"

God said, "Just-what is it?"

I said, "Okay, is it true that I have to ask you for what I want to get what I want?"

God didn't say anything. I heard God sigh and then bang the phone repeatedly on the ground.

I don't know what to say

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Bowie

I sat out on the rim of Crater National Park with my friend David Bowie. We sat together and said nothing.

Eventually David Bowie started to snore. He's one of those people who can sleep while sitting. He's so talented!

The Situation

My pet crocodile, Chaucer, is a gum chewer. And he chews with his mouth open. It drives me nuts.

Chaucer hates that I'm always cracking my knuckles.

I don't know how anyone gets along.

The Star

Sometimes when I need to be alone, I take my rocket ship to a my favorite star. It's a little bit of a trek, but once I'm there, I get out and sit on the star. It's not well known, so no one else is there.

 Occasionally the star says, "Hi" or "Are you comfortable?" I just say, "Hi" or "yes." But that's it.

The Debate!

I'm working at the Republican debate in Boulder, Colorado tonight. I'm running the concession stand.

I've always wanted to sell candy and I found this job on Monster.com. I couldn't believe they hired me without any experience!

The Force

My friend George Lucas called and asked if I would go with him to the premiere of the new Star Wars movie. I said I wouldn't. He asked why. I said that I'm still recovering from the last three Star Wars films.

 George Lucas said that he would buy me whatever I wanted from the concession stand. I said that would be okay if I saw something else instead. He asked if he could see something else with me. I said yes.

The Sky

I laid out on the grass and enjoyed looking up at the blue sky.

But soon a big cloud covered up the sky and the Sun. Things were darker and cooler. I didn't care for this, but felt the cloud would soon pass.

The cloud stayed. I got upset enough that I shouted up at the cloud, asking it to move along. The cloud said no and that I should move. Of course I stayed. It was a standoff.

Hours passed. Soon it was night. The cloud was still there, now blocking my view of the stars and Moon.

I couldn't take it and began to cry. The cloud also began to cry as raindrops.

Soon there was no cloud left and I could see the beautiful night sky. But I was so exhausted from the conflict that I fell asleep.

A Bigger View

God and I sat on the edge of the roof of my house and looked out over the yard. 

I said, "There's so many amazing things out there. But none of them would exist without you. You are like the paper that supports the words on a page. I'm wondering if I should spend my time focusing on you rather than on what you support?" 

God said, "You make me wonder why I go to all the trouble."

I'm sitting with my paintings. They like the company. So do I