Art

Sometimes I like to shine a flashlight through one ear and then position my fingers outside the other ear to create shadows puppets on the wall.

It's Hard

I sniffed a rose. 

The rose asked, "How do I smell?" 

I said pretty good. The rose began to cry. I asked what was wrong. 

The rose said, "I wish I smelled amazing." 

I walked away. 

The reason I smelled the rose in the first place was to get away from crazy behavior like that.

Based on True Events

I took the ghost of Nelson Mandela to see the movie, Nelson Mandela: The Long Walk to Freedom. 

But we accidentally went to the wrong theater and unbeknownst to us saw A Madea Christmas.

Halfway through the movie I asked the ghost of Mandela how true to life it was. He said it was pretty accurate because it reminded him of what it felt like to be imprisoned for twenty-seven years.

What I Did Today

I walked to the Sun.

When I got there I was late and the Sun chastised me.

I said I got there as quick as I could, you know me, my word is good.

The Sun said, "You're right, I guess I forgive you."

Change

I was skating on the ice, when it cracked and I fell through into the icy water below. 

When I reached the bottom of the lake, I was face to face with a trout. I had a strange sensation that we knew each other. 

I felt my skin fall away, revealing my scaly surface. 

The trout said, "You're late."

Alternatives

If you spend your life trying to jam your ideas down other people’s throats and it’s not working, it’s good to know there are other entrances.

Early Present

My Christmas tree said, "Okay, I decided what I want for Christmas." 

I said go ahead. 

My Christmas tree said, "I want to be replanted back in the forest." 

I said okay. I tied the tree to the top of my car, drove out to the woods, dug a hole in the ground and replanted the tree. 

As I walked back to my car, the tree said, "Where are you going?"

Opps, part 15

Santa came by today, exhausted and edgy. I suggested he take a nap. 

He's sleeping now. 

As a joke, I just put his hand in a cup of warm water. 

Oh, but wait, he's sleeping in my bed!

Literally

I took my time machine back to 1849 Baltimore and the home of Edgar Allen Poe. 

Poe was at the sink, washing dishes. 

I asked if I could help. I wanted to give back.

Get Away

I got on a flight to Paris and I fell asleep. 

When I woke up the plane was parked in a hangar. It was dark, there was no one around me. 

I thought, "Wow, Paris is great!"

Unchanged

I died and went to heaven. 

Nothing was different there. I had to get a job and an apartment. I had to cook my own food. I often didn't get what I wanted. 

I ran into God and said that I was frustrated with my experience. 

God said, "How would you do it differently?" 

I said that I would live peacefully floating around all day on a cloud. 

God said, "Okay." 

I was suddenly floating on a cloud. I was comfortable. Then it started to rain.

High

This is one of my cartoons in the recently released Chinese version of my book, Clutter Busting Your Life. The balloon says, "I'm scared of heights." The person holding the balloon says, "It's not that bad."

Mysterious Ways

The ghost of Nelson Mandela appeared in my living room. 

I said, "Oh, no." 

 Nelson Mandela's ghost said, "What's wrong?" 

I said, "Now that you've shown up, I'll have to write about this in my blog and people will think I'm making fun of you." 

The ghost of Nelson Mandela said, "Sometimes life puts us in uncomfortable positions."

OW

I went to the wishing well. I tossed in a quarter.

The wishing well yelled, "OW!"

I said that I was sorry, I didn't mean to hurt it.

The wishing well said, "Be a little more careful next time."

I felt like an idiot and went home.

Not long after there was a knock at the door. It was the wishing well.

The wishing well said, "Why did you leave so suddenly?"

I said I felt badly.

The wishing well said, "Dude, you're too sensitive."