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I feel like opening up and telling you that I live in a kettle drum. Not all the time. Just when I come home from work.

I like living in this particular kind of drum because of its concave base. It allows me to lounge which is important because I like to take it easy.

The kettle drum has been my home for about seven years. You're invited to visit me. But not on Friday or Saturday nights, or Sunday afternoon because the drum is part of the Santa Rosa symphonic series. I'm inside the drum at those times and enjoying the performance, and unfortunately when the lid is fastened there isn't enough room for two.

Justice

I got an early morning visit from the ghost of Justice Antonin Scalia. We went outside and took a walk along the creek.

The ghost of Justice Scalia said, "When I was a boy, I used to walk along the crick behind our home. I'd get mesmerized by the hypnotic sounds of the water over the rocks, losing track of the hours. I'd sometimes walk all the way to the next county before I'd realize. I'd run home knowing that my ma would be waiting with the switch. I would often day-dream that I'd run into a circus and they'd take me with them and I could avoid the strict punishment awaiting me at home. But I would always return, knowing it was best."

I said that must have been hard. I shared that my parents only spanked me once because I threw a snowball at a passing car.

The ghost of Justice Scalia held my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

My New TV Show

I was feeling distraught because I lost my job as an accountant. My wife got tired of my moping around the house all day and said I should take the opportunity to follow my dreams.

So I spoke with some local veterinarians and raised the money to produce a TV show called Brooks, As He Talks with the Animals. On the show I interview various animals. Some from zoos, some from the woods, some strays.

On yesterday's show I interviewed a skunk. I asked how it will able to maintain its coiffed bouffant. The skunk thanked me but said it was naturally arranged. I asked the skunk if I could pet it with one of those high quality pet brushes. The skunk said yes.

The skunk's hair was thick. I couldn't believe it had no knots!

Self-P

 

This is a likeness of me. I did it late at night when I had less thoughts. 

The Solution

I was supposed to go on my Wednesday evening walk through the woods with God, but God was a no-show. I waited an additional hour, but nope.

I got all riled up and kicked a tree.

The tree said, "Hey, what's the big deal?"

I apologized and explained about my fuming.

The tree said, "I get it...but how about you and I hang out instead?" I said okay.

An hour later the tree and I were deep in a discussion when God showed up.

God said to me, "Hey, Brooks, sorry I'm late. Would you still like to go for a walk?"

I looked at the tree and back to God. God said, "Well?" I looked back at the tree and sighed. God said, "I have a solution."

Two treadmills suddenly appeared on either side of the tree. The next thing I knew the three of us were on a walk together.

Afterlife Soup

This is a painting I did of Glen Frey meeting David Bowie in the afterlife cosmic soup.

Bowie is saying, "Hey, Glen Frey."

Frey says, "Hi, David Bowie."

What they said is not a big deal.

Last night's dream.

From above

I was out for a walk when I heard someone talking from above. I looked up and said, "God?"

A cloud up in the sky said, "Thanks, but no."

I said, "What is it?"

The cloud said, "I was just saying that I like the top of your head."

I said, "Really?"

The cloud said, "Yes, your shiny baldness is like a second sun."

I was waiting and watching for the tree to move.

Finally the tree said, "Look, I'm not going anywhere."

Bowie

Last night I got woken up by a visit from the ghost of David Bowie. I said that I didn't know he was dead. He said he appreciated that because he likes to surprise people.

I felt sad and got out my phone to listen to Bowie on itunes. The ghost of David Bowie said that I'd be better off listening to the wind. So we went outside and listened to the wind.

It was soothing and I laid down and soon fell asleep.

I woke up this morning to the sounds of the trash collecting truck. The ghost of Bowie was gone. I tried humming to the trash collecting sounds but felt like a fool.

The Wishing Well

I woke up in the middle of the night in a panic. I got up, went outside to my backyard, sat down by my private wishing well and woke it up.

The wishing well said, "W-w-what's going on?"

I said that I'd had a terrible dream in which I was drowning in quicksand. The wishing well said, "And?" I said that I wanted to wish for safety, security, and stability.

 The wishing well said, "Okay."

I instantly transformed into water sitting at the bottom of the well. I asked what the hell happened.

The wishing well said, "This is perfect because when you're water, no matter what happens to you, you adapt to a different but essentially same form of yourself."

I got angry and began to boil. I became steam rising up to the sky until I became a cloud. I couldn't believe the view!

E=MC2

I went for a walk through the woods with the ghost of scientist Albert Einstein.

I asked about the meaning of E=MC2. The ghost of Einstein said he didn't remember. I got upset and asked him for a second time. The ghost of Einstein said that I was a fool for letting this upset me.

Just then a bear jumped out from behind a tree and ran toward us. I ran but the ghost of Einstein didn't. The bear ran through the ghost of Einstein and continued on after me.

Suddenly I understood E=MC2. I jumped up and down in joy and yelled, "I got it! I got it!" as the bear descended on me.

Within seconds I was a ghost standing next to the ghost of Einstein who asked what it was that I got.

I said that I didn't remember.

The Boat Ride

God and I sat out on a boat in the middle of the lake.

I said, "God, would you please give me-"

God cut me off and said, "You promised that if we took a ride on the boat you wouldn't ask me for things!"

I said, "I was going to ask you for a sandwich from the cooler."

God said, "I'm sorry. I acted harshly. Sure, here you go."

God handed me a sandwich. I took the sandwich out of the baggie and took a bite.

God said, "How's your sandwich?"

I said, "It's okay."

God said, "What, is something wrong with it?"

I said, "It's just cheese. There's no mayo. You know I like mayo."

God said, "I know."

I said, "Then why didn't you add mayo?"

God said, "Sometimes I don't know why I do things."

I'm posing below my painting. It's hanging in a gallery in Sebastopol. I'm keeping it company.