Roll With It

I went bowling. I was throwing only gutter balls. 

People at the next lane started laughing at me. Soon there was a crowd howling at each successive gutter ball. 

I rolled my final ball. It stopped short of the pins. 

Everyone was silent.

This Is Your Song

I saw Elton John in concert last night. 

During Tiny Dancer he forgot the words, I offered to come up on stage and finish the song. Elton said okay. 

I climbed up on stage and sat down at the piano. I looked out at the audience and froze. 

Elton whispered in my ear that it wasn't as easy as it looks.

Gratitude

I got up early and went for my annual thanksgiving walk in the woods behind my house. 

I felt grateful for my health, my family and my career. 

Just then I stepped in a bear trap. It hurt terribly. I tried to pull it off, but couldn't. Eventually the hunters who set the trap wandered by. They apologized and set me free. 

I was thankful.

Obligation

There are 213 turkeys hiding out in my basement. They've been there for a week. I can't believe I agreed to help them out.

Motivation

I had lunch with the ghost of Walt Disney. Walt said, "You need to think big. Life can't just be about getting a handful of likes on facebook." 

I said that I was born without ambition and am overwhelmed easily. 

The ghost of Walt said, "Life is wasted on the living."

Size

I'm just a spec in the universe. Sometimes though I end up in the eye of God and get some attention.

Lunch

I put everything I've done into a pot. I cooked it for two hours and it burned. 

I threw it out and figured I'd wait until I did some more things.

you do what you can

Sometimes I stay up past one in the morning. I go down to the lake. The lake has a hard time sleeping. So the lake is happy to see me.

Lou

I went for a walk with the ghost of Lou Reed. I said I like him, but I don't know many of his songs. 

Lou Reed said he liked me even though he never saw me wait tables.

How It Came About

I cracked open an egg and a baby chick popped out. 

She said, "What's for breakfast?" 

I took her out for pancakes.

I went to the wishing well. I stripped down, climbed in, and took out a bar of soap.

Put in Perspective

I took a stroll across the White House lawn with President Obama.

While Obama looked away for a second, I picked my nose. He looked back to catch me in mid-pick. I was embarrassed and apologized.

President Obama said not to worry, that everyone picks their nose, even him. He said it's natural because the holes in our nose are finger-sized.

Flying

I got on an airplane. I brought my pet rhino Claudius. I had the aisle seat, Claudius had the middle seat. 

Claudius has a tiny bladder and had to get up and use the restroom often. After the fifteenth time getting up, I got angry at Claudius. Claudius' feelings were hurt. 

The undercover TSA agent asked me to apologize.

Filled

I dug a three foot hole in my backyard. I didn't know what to do with the hole and left it empty.

The next day it rained. The hole filled up with water. A family of ducks moved in.

I went outside and brought the ducks some bread crumbs. They thanked me.

I jumped in the pond with the ducks and made quacking sounds.

Learning

I took my pet snail Simon for a walk. It teaches me patience. 

Not because he walks so slowly. But when he talks he takes so long to get to the point.