Dean Radin Tested

Because I want you to get the best Better Late than Dead blog posts I can possibly write, I work with famed noetic parapsychologist scientist, Dean Radin, who lab tests all my posts.

The above picture is taken of Dean doing lab research on my post about an elephant that has extensive, rational, and visionary thoughts, but lives in extreme frustration because he can only express himself through a limited range of trumpet sounds.

Benedict

I took my pet ant, Benedict, out for a walk. We came upon my neighbor, Wallace, who was out walking his pet aardvark, Shumkin. Shumkin lunged toward Benedict, tongue extended. I grabbed Benedict and put him in my mouth.

Shumkin gave up and he and Wallace continued on their walk. I waited until they were around the corner when I took Benedict out of my mouth and set him back on the ground.

Benedict said that it was fast thinking on my part, but what if I'd accidentally swallowed him?

I said that I would have felt badly.

Benedict said that it was nice that I cared either way.

Photo

Two ghosts on swings watching me take their picture.

When it's dark out, you've got to invent your own sun.

The Shadow

I was walking in midday when my shadow said, "You do everything I do."

I said that it was the other way around.

My shadow said, "I know you believe that. But you're wrong."

I said that the shadow was wrong.

It was at this time when the eclipse of the sun happened. Everything got dark.

The darkness said, "I guess we know the truth now."

I apologized for my mistake.

Angel Part 2

I asked the angel if it was crying because of the war in Syria, the threat of Isis, and something that Donald Trump said. 

The angel said, "No I'm crying because you're online and it's really nice outside."

The Angel

An angel showed up. I asked the angel if it would help me win the lottery.

The angel said, "Nope."

I asked again, this time saying that I would split the winnings.

The angel said, "I'm not any good at granting desires."

I asked what the angel was good at.

The angel said, "Smoking. Do you have a cigarette?"

I said that I didn't smoke. I mentioned that I used to be addicted to Just Like Dad candy cigarettes when I was a kid. I couldn't afford my habit and shoplifted four to five packs a day from the 7-11. I was cavalier about it and I never got caught.

The angel said, "That's because I was protecting you."

I said that if the angel was protecting me, how come it let me develop an addiction in the first place.

The angel said, "I know, it doesn't make any sense."

Shhh

Shhhh. Don't make a sound. Let's hope the bear passes without looking up.

But if not, it was nice to spend our last moments together.

WWJD?

Someone cut me off in traffic while I was driving with Jesus.

I said, "You might have noticed that I was calm and collected. That's because I asked myself, 'What would Jesus do?'"

Jesus said, "Well, you got that wrong."