Oh, Well

I got a pet shark. His name is Fred. I keep him in a 20,000 gallon fish tank in my living room. 

I swim with him everyday to keep him company. 

This morning I forgot to feed Fred the shark before swimming with him and he tried to eat me. I yelled at Fred and he felt badly. 

I knew it was my fault, but I have a hard time admitting when I am wrong.

This Afternoon

I sat in a puddle. 

Someone came by and asked me why I was sitting in a puddle. 

I said that it was comforting. 

He sat down in the puddle and said that it felt unsettling. 

Another person came by and asked what we were doing sitting in a puddle. 

I said having an argument.

Lilac

I went for a walk through the lilac field with the ghost of George Washington. 

Washington's ghost said that the lilac's pale tone of violet reminded him of the pleasant summer sunsets in the capital city. 

I said the lilacs reminded me of themselves.

Morning

This morning I laid in bed feeling daunted by the day that hadn't happened yet. 

My bed said, "Look, you just got to get out of bed and face the day with boldness." 

I said that I was certain it would be a bad day. 

My bed said, "You're probably right, but I really need a break from you laying on me."

Difficult

Jesus appeared above my bed last night. 

I asked if he could come down because he was making me dizzy.

Jesus said he had no control over how he appeared. 

I said that it sent mixed messages. 

Jesus said nevermind and left. 

It's hard to be honest and not hurt people's feelings.

Art

Sometimes I like to shine a flashlight through one ear and then position my fingers outside the other ear to create shadows puppets on the wall.

It's Hard

I sniffed a rose. 

The rose asked, "How do I smell?" 

I said pretty good. The rose began to cry. I asked what was wrong. 

The rose said, "I wish I smelled amazing." 

I walked away. 

The reason I smelled the rose in the first place was to get away from crazy behavior like that.

Based on True Events

I took the ghost of Nelson Mandela to see the movie, Nelson Mandela: The Long Walk to Freedom. 

But we accidentally went to the wrong theater and unbeknownst to us saw A Madea Christmas.

Halfway through the movie I asked the ghost of Mandela how true to life it was. He said it was pretty accurate because it reminded him of what it felt like to be imprisoned for twenty-seven years.

What I Did Today

I walked to the Sun.

When I got there I was late and the Sun chastised me.

I said I got there as quick as I could, you know me, my word is good.

The Sun said, "You're right, I guess I forgive you."