How It Came About

I cracked open an egg and a baby chick popped out. 

She said, "What's for breakfast?" 

I took her out for pancakes.

I went to the wishing well. I stripped down, climbed in, and took out a bar of soap.

Put in Perspective

I took a stroll across the White House lawn with President Obama.

While Obama looked away for a second, I picked my nose. He looked back to catch me in mid-pick. I was embarrassed and apologized.

President Obama said not to worry, that everyone picks their nose, even him. He said it's natural because the holes in our nose are finger-sized.

Flying

I got on an airplane. I brought my pet rhino Claudius. I had the aisle seat, Claudius had the middle seat. 

Claudius has a tiny bladder and had to get up and use the restroom often. After the fifteenth time getting up, I got angry at Claudius. Claudius' feelings were hurt. 

The undercover TSA agent asked me to apologize.

Filled

I dug a three foot hole in my backyard. I didn't know what to do with the hole and left it empty.

The next day it rained. The hole filled up with water. A family of ducks moved in.

I went outside and brought the ducks some bread crumbs. They thanked me.

I jumped in the pond with the ducks and made quacking sounds.

Learning

I took my pet snail Simon for a walk. It teaches me patience. 

Not because he walks so slowly. But when he talks he takes so long to get to the point.