Life springs from the Universal Turd. We all need the fertilizer.

Reunion

I ran into some of my old thoughts. They were, "Oh, I love Oreos! I can't get enough of them!"

 

I apologized because I no longer eat sweets. 

 

The thoughts said not to worry, it was just nice to see me.

Beginner

Hey, today is my first time as a Wednesday. I'm worried that I'm gonna suck. Can you please hold my hand throughout the day? Thanks!

Inventory

I assembled all my pets in the living room, Vic the Cheetah, Ollie the Skunk, Chaz the Rhino, and Bill my cat. 

The meeting was to discuss the disappearance of Sally the Ant. 

Chaz the Rhino lifted her foot and lo and behold there was a flattened Sally. 

Jesus

I sat on the rocks by the lake today with the ghost of Jesus. 

I said, "When you were a carpenter, did you take off Labor Day?"