The disparate parts of my day argue which was best.

Beryl

My pet rhino, Beryl, was spending the bulk of her waking time watching TV on the couch. This was getting me pissed because it was wrecking the couch. 

So I got a DVD of rhinos in their natural wild habitat and played it on the TV. Beryl got all excited and ran around the room ramming all the furniture and dent splintering the walls. The only thing she didn't wreck was the TV. 

When the DVD was over she lay down on the rubble and remote switched the TV to Judge Judy.

William Henry Harrison

I was visited by the ghost of former President William Henry Harrison. I wanted to be upfront with him and said I was unfamiliar with his accomplishments when in high office.

The ghost of Harrison said, "But you do know that I was once President of the United States of America?" I said I did.

The ghost of Harrison called out, "Hoodeeladoo!" and danced a jig.

Dreaming

Guess what? I'm dreaming about you. You have whip cream on your head and are walking a tightrope. I am shouting at you from below, "make sure not to fall, protect the topping at all costs!